The month of February was hectic - UPD elections came up and so did the most gruelling part of the UP KAPPP app process. But I have run out of rants about my shots at trying to get into the org, and I’ve piled up on things to record about campaigns.
Upon retrospect, the whole thing had been a blessing - not in the sense that I grew substantially in my personal relationship with God, but in the sense that I have, yet again, witnessed His grace, His hand upon us. It was a huge trial, and I’ve been pushed past the breaking point until I couldn’t see the line anymore. The sad thing is, I didn’t make anything out of that dark place. All I did was wallow, and although for all intents and purposes, I was the external picture of efficiency and control, I was a wreck.
Now, I’m trying to get myself out of that place - in theory, that would be easy. App process is over, elections have been won. All we’re waiting for is the induction and the turnover. I have time to get my crap together. To find who I am in God again, after I’ve lost myself over and over. I have the option to stay right where I am, light my flares and wait for God to answer.
The thing is, I’ve been nominated for Vice-Chairperson for Communication for KALikha, meaning if I win that post, I get to be in a leadership position within my college. Krys was given the chance to have that when she ran for councilor, and regardless of my problems with her, I believed (and still do) that it was/is God’s hand finally moving in CAL. Maybe this is what God is giving me when I asked for His Spirit to “lead me where my trust is without borders, [to] let me walk upon the waters wherever You have called me.”
I don’t know what to do. I can’t say I’m not flattered by the nomination, and I can’t say that I don’t want to win. I’m just not sure if this is what God really wants for me. I have until tomorrow to decline, should I be for something else.
Background photo taken at the third floor of the College of Arts and Letters, while waiting for my CL 112 class, 2014. Foreground photo taken at the IPIL Residence Hall TV area, while waiting for dinner, 2012.
My gratitude goes out to Shane Agustin - because living in the Philippines can suck sometimes, but here’s to friends who live in the States!
You know how easy it is for me to pledge allegiance to pretty boys? Well, get this: Matt Hitt (Welsh model, frontman for Drowners) has cheekbones I can cut my fingers on, a voice that chained me to his side and a degree in English Lit. I’ve been plotted against all around, really. Cheeky bastard.
PSA: I’m getting it in a few weeks.